I have a dating profile up on a popular dating site. I’ve blogged about some of the winners who have contacted me in the past. And in all fairness, I did meet a guy I had a relationship with for about 6 months through the site.
Yesterday I was minding my own business,
wasting spending time on Twitter when I got an email notification from the dating site. I had a new message!!!!!
I clicked open a new tab, logged in, and was pleasantly surprised to see a smiling face as well as an email that passed the test in my profile. So I replied.
20 minutes later – BAM – he replied.
We went back and forth like this well past 1am!!!!
It was a wonderful conversation. We shared similar tastes in a variety of things. He’s a fire fighter and was in the USMC. Divorced with 4 kids (2 sets of twins!!!!!!) – which explains why his profile said he didn’t want kids.
For those of you who know me at all, you know I was starting to thing “ok, this is too perfect. What’s the downside to this guy.” Well…
At about 2am, he sent me more pictures. Up until that point all I’d seen was his profile pic, which was a über close-up of his face. Literally, he cropped it so all that’s visible is the center of his face (eyes, nose, mouth). But they all looked nice, so I didn’t give it another thought.
After receiving his other pics, I probably should have taken the cropped profile pic as a red flag. He’s not bad-looking. But he certainly isn’t great looking.
But, the conversation was going so well, I didn’t really care. (I’m working on being less shallow.)
Well I didn’t care until he asked if I’d changed my mind about him after viewing the pics. That struck me as odd and counted as STRIKE 1.
Then he asked if I’d like to talk to him on the phone. Again, the conversation was going to so well, I agreed.
And oh what a conversation it was…
I remembered to double-check about his end-goal; too often men really want a booty-call situation while pretending they’re seeking a relationship. So I asked. He said he wanted something long-term. When I agreed, he asked if it bothered me that he didn’t want more children. I told him I understood that 2 sets of twins (!!!) was a lot, but that I did picture myself having a child with my future mate/spouse. He then slyly asked if marriage was a requirement. Now, I’ve been in Dating Hell long enough to know that’s a trick question. So I said “well I’ve always thought I’d get married. I used to fantasize about the big wedding. Now it’s more about what would work best for me and partner.”
(Wait for it…)
He said that sounded smart. But he was definitely NEVER getting married again. !!!!!!!!!
He has enough trouble supporting his 4 (!!!!) kids, and adding a new wife/family to the mix wasn’t feasible. I mentioned the wonderful document known as a pre-nup as a protection everyone should have in this day and age, but he seemed quite settled on this decision.
At first, that sounded 10000000% responsible.
Then I realized this man was saying a future with him meant no more babies for me (did I mention he’s getting snipped soon?) and also no wedding (Princess for a Day) for me.
And before you say I’m getting ahead of myself, what’s the sense even starting down the relationship path with this man if 2 of the things I’ve always wanted aren’t on the menu?
And then he said what no woman wants to hear…
“Oh, did I mention I live in my mom’s basement?”
My jaw literally dropped.
I mean again, I get it – it’s cheaper, and supporting 4 (!!!) kids can’t be easy.
At that point it was past 2:30am (Nate gets up around 7:30), and I realized I’d wasted precious sleeping time talking to an unattractive, divorced father of 4 (!!!), who never wants to get remarried, and lives with his mother.