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Thoughtful Thursday

TAKING CARE OF MY CHILD DOES NOT MEAN I’M SPOILING HIM!

I apologize for the caps, but I felt they were warranted.

I am soooooooo SICK of the well-meaning (?) people who tell me I’m spoiling my child because I don’t keep him strapped in his car seat or crying in a crib.  I’m also sick of the people who tell me I’m spoiling him because he likes being held.  WTH?!? What does that mean?  Am I not supposed to hold my baby?

So here’s my thought: think before you speak.  I sincerely ask all those “parenting experts” to think before they open their mouths to openly criticize my parenting style.  And unless you’ve got a fantastic kid, should you really be telling my that my actions are wrong?

How do you all handle these know-it-alls? In the beginning I would simply smile and change the subject.  But lately I’ve had to physically bite my tongue to keep from sniping back.  Ughhhh!

Thank you for allowing me to rant.

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  1. January 28, 2010 at 8:38 PM

    I tell them I respect their right to ignore their poor child but to please keep their ill-advised advice to themselves.

    If Im in a good mood – I say “see how happy he is? the way I treat him is the reason”

  2. January 28, 2010 at 9:17 PM

    Honestly, people like this drive me nuts. It’s funny because you always here people talking about how obnoxious AP moms are, but I don’t know AP mom who would talk to anyone like this. As much as you may want to curse someone out, I think the best course of action is to smile and nod and change the subject. You may want to educate people, but I’ve found folks like this don’t want to learn and you can’t change their minds. Don’t let people get your pressure up!

  3. January 29, 2010 at 4:58 PM

    I held charlotte every minute she wanted it as a baby….she wasnt clingy at all and is extremely independent. Her teachers at school say she is the clear leader in the class. She never cried when i dropped her off for school and trusts me completely. Ignore those people.

    trisha
    momdot

  4. February 2, 2010 at 11:09 AM

    I can’t help it, usually when people make ignorant statements like that I can’t help the shocked/horrified look that comes across my face. Usually that’s enough. If it’s not, I ask them why (if they are a parent) they feel the need to not love/be attached to their children.

    I don’t understand it.

  5. February 5, 2010 at 7:04 PM

    I also find it so annoying when people get in my business uninvited.
    When my 9 month first started daycare, the office lady said when I arrived after leaving him for an hour, “That baby is spoiled!” Me: “What, why?” She said they had to call someone to hold him because he cried. I felt a little irritated, but I also felt happy that someone HAD held him, and I knew he’d get used to it, so I just thought to myself, “That’s an annoying comment, but I know it’s not true, so now I just know I don’t really trust that lady as a fully nurturing person.” And, I just knew it was a dumb comment.
    A baby is not spoiled because they are used to excellent care, so I never ever worried about that, and even had to ignore stupid comments like that from my husband. I agree with Sarah- I just don’t understand it, but I have to guess it’s parenting from fear that the baby will run your life. To that, I say, “Whatever.” And go on my happy way.

  6. February 11, 2010 at 1:12 PM

    Great Rant!! I think it would depend if it was coming from a family member or a complete stranger. I have no problem telling mom and grandma that they are getting annoying, but not sure how I would deal with a complete stranger. I hope I never have to hear it from a stranger because I would probably lose it!

    • February 11, 2010 at 2:03 PM

      When it comes from family, I use my stern voice and say “It’s impossible to spoil an infant.

      It actually happened AGAIN this week at the YWCA. I teach deep water aerobics and usually put Nate in the nursery while I teach. When I dropped him off Monday the nursery attendant made a comment about how he’s spoiled because he likes to be held. When I went to pick him up, it was clear he’d been crying. The nusery manager then came up to speak to me to inform me my child is too much work! Umm, no. Your employee just wants to talk and text rather than work! My baby is not a cry-it-out baby. I promptly told her I wouldn’t be bringing my child back. But I didn’t go into why; that I don’t appreciate the “your baby is spoiled attitude.” I didn’t want to start the conversation because I knew I’d get mad. I may force the issue next week.

      • February 20, 2010 at 3:56 PM

        Oh my : ( I would have blown up, I think. Too much work?! What are you supposed to do? Talk to your tiny guy about how he needs to be a big boy? Yeah, infants ARE A LOT OF WORK. Even the good, happy ones. If these people don’t enjoy doing that work, why are they in the employment of a nursery?

  7. February 20, 2010 at 3:53 PM

    I usually just smile and say, ‘I’m not concerned about it.’ Really, babies this young can’t be ‘spoiled’. We can meet their needs and wants or we can ignore them… it’s so sad because it hurts us to ignore them, but we have soooo many people telling us those natural, instinctual reactions are WRONG. They are NOT wrong. If nothing else quieting our babies is a protective mechanism, and just ignoring crying babies won’t make humans ‘evolve’ out of making babies who cry because they want to be held.

    One of my theories is that if you keep them close and warm they grow more properly. They don’t have to burn calories to warm themselves, since they have contact with a warm body.

  8. February 24, 2010 at 1:28 PM

    Good for you – following your intuition! I couldn’t put my dd down until almost 9 months, at first I didn’t understand it (and an addiction to baby carriers helped!) – especially when I would see other babies her age just sit or lay on the floor happy as can be. That is not my child and I respect her for telling me who she is. When I hold her, she is happy content and safe! I have to bite my tongue when ppl tell me or tell other moms they are spoiling their child by doing a variety of different things. My daughter is 2.5 (on Friday!) and I will still hold her – can she walk- YES – so what! I co-sleep, practice extended or full term nursing, don’t CIO and because of this, I feel it has made our relationship stronger.
    Can you have a strong relationship without doing this, sure why not – but this is what works best for us. I think I might have a little prickly of an exterior, but when ppl tell me you need to get her out of her bed or she will be there forever – I say I doubt that and if so, there are worse things that can happen. When ppl have told me I am spoiling her for whatever I am doing, I just say that I don’t see it that way.
    Just stick to your guns, your son will thank you for this later!

  9. June 21, 2010 at 2:49 AM

    I’m late to this comment party but I’m right there with you on this one: ignore this “advice.” I wrote about this back when my first was 7 months old: http://www.natashaj.com/2008/05/7-months-and-counting.html. She’s 2 1/2 now and was carried frequently and nursed until 27 months-ish, just before her baby brother showed up. I had relatives and strangers who complained about her “clinginess” but she just wasn’t a “go hang with anybody” kid. Her brother is much more laid back but also prefers being worn by me or his dad to sitting anywhere else. And really, who wouldn’t? It’s warm, cozy, and a great view of everything interesting.

    Even my mom gave me the “you’re spoiling her” and she cries unless I hold her so you need to quit holding her so much” speech. I gave her my sling and hours later got a call: “She hasn’t made a peep since I’ve been carrying her around in this thing! We didn’t do this when you were a kid.” she said incredulously. Yeah, amazing what they’ve changed in nearly 40 years. ;-)

    I co-slept/sleep, wore my babies, and nursed as long as they cared to (except for the girly, who had to make room for the baby), and so far, both are happy, healthy and fun. I followed their cues and what worked best for our family. That’s really the only advice I give (if asked) to new parents.

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